How to Process Your Emotions Instead of Avoiding Them

By Coach Onowa

Emotions can feel big and overwhelming, and for many of us, our first instinct is to:

❌ Resist them (“I shouldn’t feel this way.”)
❌ Avoid them (Distracting ourselves with food, alcohol, or social media.)
❌ React to them (Lashing out, shutting down, or overthinking.)

But there’s a fourth option—one that leads to healing, clarity, and peace:

✅ Allowing them.

This was something new to me, but once I started practicing it, everything changed.

How to Allow Your Emotions (Instead of Fighting Them)

Step 1: Take a Breath

🌬 Pause and take a slow, deep breath.

Why? Because emotions trigger our nervous system. A breath helps us shift out of fight-or-flight mode and into curiosity.

Step 2: Name the Emotion

🤔 What am I feeling right now?

Even if you’re unsure, take a guess:

• Is it anxiety?

• Is it frustration?

• Is it sadness?

Naming the emotion reduces its intensity and helps your brain process it.

Step 3: Find It in Your Body

🧘‍♀️ Where do I feel this emotion physically?

If you were describing it to someone who had never felt emotions before, what would you say?

• Is your chest tight?

• Do your shoulders feel heavy?

• Does your stomach feel hollow?

This shifts you out of your head and into your body, making the emotion easier to process.

Step 4: Tell Yourself, “It’s Okay.”

💛 “I am feeling anxious right now... and that’s okay.”

This simple phrase validates your experience instead of fighting it.

✨ Emotions are just signals. They are not dangerous. They just want to be heard.

Step 5: Ask, “What Is This Emotion Trying to Tell Me?”

🔍 What is this feeling here to show me?

Sometimes, emotions are just our brain trying to protect us.

For example:

• Anxiety before a big event? Your brain is just preparing you.

• Frustration? Maybe a boundary was crossed.

• Sadness? Maybe something needs to be grieved or acknowledged.

When we stop fighting emotions and instead listen to them, they lose their power over us.

Why This Works

💡 You stop numbing and start healing.
💡 You become more emotionally resilient.
💡 You realize emotions are temporary—they come and go like waves.

When you allow emotions instead of resisting them, you move through them with ease and self-compassion.

Try This Today

The next time you feel a strong emotion, pause and try these five steps:
1️⃣ Take a deep breath.
2️⃣ Name what you’re feeling.
3️⃣ Find it in your body.
4️⃣ Tell yourself, “It’s okay to feel this.”
5️⃣ Ask, “What is this emotion trying to tell me?”

✨ Your emotions are not problems to solve—they are experiences to allow.

I’d love to hear from you—what helps you process emotions? Let me know in the comments!

With self-compassion and awareness,
Coach Onowa