The Gap vs. The Gain: How to Stay Motivated on Your Alcohol-Free Journey

By Coach Onowa

Do you ever feel stuck on this journey—like it’s not working, or you’ll never be able to do it? Maybe thoughts like these sound familiar:

Something is wrong with me.

I’ll never be like [insert ideal person].

This is never going to work.

First, let me say—you’re not alone. Our brains are actually wired to focus on what’s missing and what’s wrong seven times more than what’s going well! It’s a survival mechanism, but on an alcohol-free journey, this negative focus can make us feel defeated, stuck, and unmotivated.

That’s why I want to introduce a powerful concept that can change everything:

💡 The Gap vs. The Gain.

Are You Stuck in The Gap?

In life, we all have goals—an ideal version of ourselves that we’re working toward. It’s natural to look ahead and compare ourselves to that version.

But when we only measure ourselves against the future, we create a gap between where we are and where we want to be.

🔴 The result?

We feel like we’re never doing enough.

We constantly see what’s missing.

We feel discouraged and exhausted.

If you’ve ever thought, “I should be further along,” “Why is this taking so long?” or “I’ll never get there,”—you’ve fallen into The Gap.

How to Shift into The Gain

Instead of measuring forward and seeing what’s missing, try measuring backward and seeing how far you’ve come.

✅ The Gain is all about:

• Recognizing your progress.

• Celebrating even the smallest wins.

• Looking at how much you’ve already grown.

This simple shift changes your entire emotional state. Instead of feeling defeated, you’ll start to feel motivated, encouraged, and empowered.

How to Practice Measuring The Gain

1️⃣ Make a Celebration List

Take a moment to reflect on how far you’ve come. Write down all the tiny wins—even the ones that seem small!

• When did you first start questioning alcohol?

• What have you learned about yourself since then?

• What awareness have you gained?

• How has your mindset shifted?

Even if you’re just watching this video or reading this article, that’s a gain—because you’re actively exploring a new way of thinking.

2️⃣ End Your Day with 3 Wins

At the end of each day, write down three gains (or wins, or moments of awareness).

• Instead of focusing on your to-do list and what didn’t get done, shift your focus to:

• What went well today?

• What did I learn?

• What progress did I make—no matter how small?

This simple habit trains your brain to start noticing and appreciating your growth.

3️⃣ Catch Yourself in The Gap

The next time you catch yourself thinking, “I should be further along,” pause and say:

🛑 “Oh, I just fell into The Gap!”

Then redirect your focus by asking:

What progress have I made?

What have I learned from this experience?

What’s one gain I can celebrate right now?

Why This Works

When we focus on The Gain, we create emotions that fuel us forward—curiosity, gratitude, and self-compassion.

When we’re stuck in The Gap, we feel discouraged and frustrated, making it harder to take action.

By shifting your perspective, you’ll start feeling empowered instead of stuck.

Your Turn: Try This Today!

Tonight, before bed, write down three gains from your day—big or small. Try this for a few days and see what changes in your mindset.

I’d love to hear from you: What’s one gain you can celebrate right now? Drop it in the comments—I can’t wait to celebrate with you!

Wishing you encouragement and momentum on your journey,

Coach Onowa