The Power of the Third Option: Breaking Free from Either/Or Thinking

By Coach Onowa

Have you ever found yourself stuck in either/or thinking?

It’s something our brains do naturally—we see situations as black or white, believing we have to choose between two opposing options.

🔹 I can either go to the event and be uncomfortable or stay home and miss out.
🔹 I can either push through exhaustion or completely give up.
🔹 I can either be all-in or I’ve failed.

But what if there’s always a third option?

Why Either/Or Thinking Keeps Us Stuck

When we only see two choices—especially when neither one feels good—we get paralyzed. We feel stuck, frustrated, or even helpless because neither option feels quite right.

But the truth is, there is almost always another way forward—one we just haven’t considered yet.

The Magic of the Third Option

Instead of forcing yourself into one of two limiting choices, ask yourself:

💡 “What’s the third option here?”

Even if you don’t see it immediately, this question opens up possibilities you may not have considered before.

A Real-Life Example

One of my clients had a family trip planned, but she felt torn about going because she knew there would be a lot of drinking.

At first, she saw only two options:
1️⃣ Go on the trip and feel uncomfortable around alcohol.
2️⃣ Skip the trip and miss out on family time.

Neither choice felt right. She was stuck.

But then she asked herself: “What’s the third option?”

✨ She realized she could go on the trip but create her own experience.
✨ She planned activities she genuinely wanted to enjoy.
✨ She got her own room so she could have space when she needed it.

💡 Suddenly, she had a solution that worked for her—without forcing herself into an either/or trap.

How to Find Your Third Option

Next time you feel stuck in a decision, try this:

1️⃣ Pause and notice if you’re in either/or thinking.

• Am I limiting myself to just two options?

2️⃣ Ask: “What’s the third option?”

• Even if it’s not obvious right away, stay open to new possibilities.

3️⃣ Look for creative solutions.

• Could you adjust the situation to better fit your needs?

• Could you blend elements of both options to create something new?

Your Turn: Try It Today!

Where in your life do you feel stuck between two choices?

➡️ Pause and ask yourself: "What’s the third option?"

I’d love to hear from you—drop a comment below and let me know how this works for you!

With possibility and freedom,
Coach Onowa